who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
