I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
