we have pet lesbian snakes
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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