Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
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