is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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