Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
