Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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