Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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