For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
