You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
