I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I cut my penus on the lid.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
