I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
