I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize