New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
