chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
if only i could text you this smell
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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