i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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