found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
