i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
