I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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