For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Randomize
