hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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