just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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