Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
