ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
