So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
