i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
