So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
