I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I want to stick my p in your. b.
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Randomize