I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
