my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I have fence marks all over my body
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
