I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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