I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
