Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
