He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
