Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize