Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
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