And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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