Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
