her vagine was all disorganized.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
