the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
