Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
