Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
