i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
