Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
