the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize