her vagine was all disorganized.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
