so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
PANTIES FOUND
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