Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
