doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
