too bad you live with your parents still
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
