i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
