I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
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