you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
