my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Acid is not a monday night drug
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize