They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
