I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
