I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
