areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
