i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
