i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
