The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
