Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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