So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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