Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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