My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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