did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
