...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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