I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
3pm strippers are depressing
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
