I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Bring me that man meat
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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