what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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