You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
you mean i was at the winter classic?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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