i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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