the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
