he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I said "one day" and that day is not today
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
