He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize