Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Randomize
